Family issues ahead, please read at your own discretion.
It took a while for me to finally spill, took a bit more than I thought I would need to write all this down. But I think its time for confrontation.
I am quite aware of the problems my parents are having and hell I am pretty clear on even my sister's discomfort. It wasn't once that I've heard the phone calls from my mom to my dad or vice-versa.
Even when my dad was still in Canada, I accidentally overheard their conversation in the living room. It was quite painful to have to listen but I couldn't close the door on them. And I guess the first time I heard it, it made my eyes sting. It hurts a lot to hear my parents talking to each other about their relationship, my mom even asked about whether my dad had another woman in China and how ending their marriage would be the best.
And god that made me so sick because I thought this could only happen in other people's life.
Their problem consists of so much, it was never just love alone. They are the best parents that I ever want, I know they love me and my sisters but seeing them like this just makes me feel useless. I am not like my older sister, I can't confront them about their issues because I am not that brave but I don't want to become a burden. I don't want to open my hands and ask for the things I want. I don't want to open my mouth and have someone feed me. I can't stand it when I feel so goddamn useless and right now I feel like I can't do a thing for them, even when they are so down and stressed.
I should know so much better. Perhaps I am selfish, I try to dismiss the things that are happening, I try to forget. I feel like a coward and really I probably am for trying to ignore it all. But I need to know better.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry for not being able to help you. It cant be help if you just keep feeling useless for that. Obviously it's not your fault nor anyones. Cheer up, and be stronger, so that you'll be able to do everything.
At least you know they love you, and you are fully aware of what will happen. That means you've grown up, and dont worry, everything is gonna be fine. Or you'll feel it's fine even in the worst situation because you're strong enough.
*hugs*
Though I can't say I can understand what you're going through since I don't have the experience for something like that and it'll be rude to you if I said I do, but I do hope the best will come to you. Be strong and I'm sure you'll be able to withstand this. And you've said it, your parents love you, I guess they'll take the best course of action they see fit.
Love comes and goes. Same thing's happening to my parents. Now, my mom thinks it's a burden to be married to my dad, and my dad doesn't give a damn about it. But, I know they love us. I guess what you can do now is try to understand what they're going through and be beside them always... *hugs kuro*
cheezy: Yes love really is a strange thing. I try not to think too much about it... But I will definitely try to help out, try to understand, just do little things that make them know I love them back. Thanks a lot, really! -hugs back-
Julye: >u< We all have our own problems, and really do not be sorry! Its not your fault or my fault or anyone's! I hope everything will end well too. -hugs tight- I'll be fine, if only you'll be fine too.
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