sweat on your palms, and you're floundering

ugh ughh ughhhhh.

i really don't like this nervousness of still being in training.

it's not rational because i know i'm not supposed to be good at this yet (that is the whole point of being in training!! i know this) but it still feels like i should be. i feel like i should be better, faster, and fluent except i'm not and it's so incredibly frustrating and nerve-wracking to think i'm not measuring up to expectations. i feel lost at times but not even knowing what kind of question i should be asking.

they keep saying there is a moment when you go aha! and it all just clicks but that kinda feels like a lie.

it's hard to remind myself of this but i got to this point so far, so there's got to be something to me that can get me the rest of the way there, right??